Death of my 2-month old Nephew

Even those who've seen Death many a times in their lives, whether young or old, wept at the sight of the crying father who carries the lifeless child in his arms as he enters the house full of relatives whom already showed signs of grievance at the loss of a young life. He was too young to have been taken away that quickly, and so the father has lost his 2-month old son who stayed cold and motionless, not ever wanting to let go of him. It made all the worse as he laid the child on the floor surrounded by crying relatives because now, everyone saw the lifeless child with a scar on his face. Post-mortem. And still, none knew why he died.

One may quote "Grieve not at the death of one's life, but rejoice at the news of the birth of another". The Life-Death Balance theory; when one life is lost, somewhere across the world, a baby is born, like a replacement sort of theory. Yet, to not cry at the sight of the scene seems to be disrespectful to the family. Though none of us barely knew the boy (being only 2 months old and not being able to grow up), everyone, including non-relatives, shed tears for such Purity was lost.

Death does not recognize age nor size. When your name appears on his list, the Angel of Death comes to you and mercilessly pull your soul away from its carnal shell of flesh and bones, no matter who you are. "Even Kings shalt I pull their Souls away for their Time has arrived and my Duty is served. Unfair I am none. Your soul does not belong to you."

When we were heading to the Muslim cemetery, even the Sky went dark and gray. As he descend towards the ground, my cousin didn't want to let go of his child. But the burial must be placed. And just like the drizzling tears of Angels in the Skies above us, our tears seeped into the ground as the young child was carefully placed inside the grave. The Loss of Innocence have made even Mother Nature and the clouds to cry...

Before leaving the burial site, I saw a gravestone that says "Hamza Patel: Return to Rahmatullah on the 10.10.2009". One of the many children that was buried at the Children section of the Cemetery. But what startled me was that, my nephew was born on that very same day, 10th October 2009. And I wondered that, from the Life:Death theory, maybe this child gave his life to my Nephew...
And now, a new child was born into the world somewhere out there...

But maybe, it's better that one is gone before committing any sins in his life or even knowing the Evils we humans have created in this world, for he shall now be taken to Paradise where all things shall be presented in glorious fashion and an eternal happiness ensues upon the boy. It seems the Almighty needs him more than we do. And I'm sure he will be greatly taken care of and cherished in His House of Heaven.

We may not have known him that long, but I'm certain we will all miss him dearly...
A reminder that we do not own our souls and any of us could be next on Death's list...
If God Wills it, anything can happen... Amin

The War within a Dog...

I apologise for this unruly commentary about the life of a saddened dog who lives none but with such emotions contrary to a normal mutt. He finds the drooling mess of his life fading like waves and winds clashing onto the summer edges of the beach, where the Sun greets nothing more than find the likes of him beneath lives of lives... As he obeys his inner commands to stay and help the master of the house...

He isn't being bad or anything. He wants to make others proud of him by doing one of many selfless acts possible. And sacrificing time for himself; to play outside in the garden where sunshine flows through the clouds in the sky and brightens the spirit within him.

But nevertheless, he wants to just bark and bite his way out. Wanting freedom. To have fun while he can. To just get out and live a life of life, unlike other cats who laze around in the yard and not play with the yarn in front of them. "I am not a cat, nor like any other dogs." He obeys not to his master, but to his heart.

But then, to leave the house leaves a mark of conscious. Maybe regrets later on. He constantly fights with himself whether to stay with his master, or just to be freed into the glistening radiant land ruled by the Sun and Winds.

He sacrificed that freedom and became a lonely hound of saddened memories... Just with himself. Alone. And Deprived of the many spirits that lingers outside the house. Free from troubles and wicked lives. He is indeed not just any dog. He is in fact, a caged domestic pet of troubled present and future...

---A True Event---

It is Not the Cheering that Makes You Stronger...

I'm sure many of you have heard of the phrase "It is not the number of times you Fall that counts. It is the number of times you Get Up." A quote that helps to make failures a little less negative to one's mind.

Optimism. Mankind has always tried to encourage one another to think positive and help each other to achiece success. Everytime we try to achieve our Dreams, there will always be something that stands in our way. Be it family, monetary issues, lack of skills/talent, or whatever. Or most commonly, everytime we get up, we fail again. It is frustrating to find that no matter how hard we try, we simply couldn't achieve that goal. That target. That Dream.

And worst of all, people jeer at you. People hate you. They despise you. 'Cause you couldn't accomplish anything. "Loser! Sucker! JUST ROT AT HOME!" may have been some those insults thrown at you. Or simply the famous international jeer "BOOOOO!"

But let me tell you this. A stadium full of applause and cheering, and a section of people jeering and insulting you. Both are simply the same. They are just noises that doesn't really make much sense at times. But how you perceive that noise, is totally a different thing. Try to channel that noise, especially the jeerings, into cheers to support you in what you're gonna do. Turn them into strength.

I believe that Cheering doesn't make one stronger (although it is scientifically proven that cheering and aural support help to amplify one's performance in sports or rigourous activities). We need to develop our strength and push our limits further in order to keep Staying Up rather than Getting Up from a Fall over and over again. To do this, we gotta take any critique or insults or whatsoever into something positive. Channel them to strengthen yourself. From this, our minds will constantly think "I need to get better" and you will never be complacent ever.

Push your boundaries, and chances are that you'll continue to Stand Up more than you Fall... Even Jump Up High if Possible... =)

Who the F**K are You?

I believe the Time has come when we have to decide for ourselves our Lives, our Fates, our Stories. It has come to my attention that Boredom is not neccessarily negative at some moments. It helps people to think of things we never usually think about when we were busy doing our work or studying. After leaving our second homes of such a wonderful and huge family that connects teenagers and adults in one single but enormous building, we begin to find life such a Bore as we ask ourselves every morning, "Hey! What the Hell am I gonna do today?"

A simple question of infinite possiblities, yet one finds it difficult to choose an answer. Back then, we would usually say,"Oh, do maths pratice paper," or "revise Shakespeare's Othello" or even "I'm gonna practice my dance moves for SYF" or "Shoot 50 Bullseyes today at SAFRA Yishun".

Now, those times of answering the question with such answers is long gone. Forever gone (unless God forbids, we get retained and had to do Junior College life for at least one more year). We now answer the question with answers like "I'm gonna hang out with my friends today" or "Lets go to the Beach this afternoon" since every day now seems like a Weekend ever since A Levels were officially over.

Some, I believe, have already started work. Mostly retail assistants or in F&B. We now get into the real world. For the guys, of course, have to go for National Service, which is not really a bad thing if you see it with a different viewpoint. It allows us ample time to think of WHAT THE HECK AM I GONNA DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? And of course, it gets us buffed up which will promise amazing results after 2 years of training. Looking forward to that mostly.

But for others who are staying at home idly, doing nothing much for the life of his own, or even others, Boredom in fact, continues to torture us to keep answering that first question we always ask ourselves in the morning.

Staring in front of the computer and play? Watch TV all day long? Clean your room twice a day? Exercise my Ass off? Cook yourself a Gourmet Meal? Eat, Sleep and Shit for the entire day?

What are you going to do today? Simple. Answer this very question. Who the F**k am I? And at the end, you'll get to answer that same question everyday without thinking too hard about it. Try it. If it still doesn't help, then you didn't answer yourself honestly.

So... Who the F**k are YOU?

Constant Worries And Cries...

Some may have said "Life is too short to keep worrying bout it", but what's the point if you don't worry? You won't be able to finish your work, you won't be able to reach somewhere on time, you won't be able to live a life... Basically, Worry is sometimes neccessary in our everyday lives, especially when it involves someone close. You keep asking yourself "Will my parents be able to see me grow up?", "Will he/she leave me for someone else?", "Will I get to wake up the next morning, thinking the whole world will be as it should be?"
Love can be powerful to give comfort, satisfaction, partnership and bonds beyond any other, yet the drawback of it is that once it's lost, its cut runs so deep within our hearts that we'll mourn its death more than anything else. We worry bout this 'mourning' moments which may last forever in our lives...
I know I love to make jokes or tease people or simply be the centre of a bully or teasing, I love to disturb people and make them laugh or sneeze... All to simply distract me from the constant worries I keep having, especially in recent times. All may be lost for some reason. Outside, a smile is all I give to the world; but inside, tears are silently dropping one by one as I know, memories will be forgotten.
My mother has been constantly getting sick and its getting worse and worse. I really fear the worst to come. She keeps saying bout the Angel of Death taking her soul away but keeps praying to God she wants to see her children grow, and she still has lots to do in her life. I really don't want to see her taken away. I've suffered many losses in my lives and some were tragic.
My grandmother's death was the worst as I was holding her head as she took her last breath right in front of me. That traumatic event is a deep scar on my life as she has been taking care of me ever since my eyes opened to the world.
I am crying inside and outside... But I do not show the world my tears. Many have asked if I'm okay. I wanted to say no; but I really don't want people to know. I don't know why. I want to see smiles on people's faces, not tear drops. I silently pray that all goes well.
Loss is inevitable in life, making me worry constantly about life... You know how hard it is for someone who has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)? I really wish I know who'll go next so that I would spend the entire time with him/her until the time comes. Humans are fragile, but I guess I'm the worst case ever...

First Day of School...And "Muka Cina Kemek"

First Day of School...Guess what? Topical Tests!!!! I was like wondering "What the Heck? What a way to start the Year?"

First day was General Paper (GP) Test, so I was kinda dumbstruck as to what to study for it. But all and all, I think I did pretty good for the essay. The compre. was super difficult. I can't understand what the passage said.

I was with Munirah at the Extension to study Chemistry for the next day, and saw some Graduates of our school. Two of them were in Air Pilot suits, and they looked shock to see us. (Found out that they said that TPJCians were muggers, but obviously what, since its Topical Test Week. Stupid)

Munirah was waiting for the other Munirah (Councillor). Munirahbb (Councillor) had Econs test after GP so we waited for quite a long time. When Econs test was over, I actually went under the Canteen Extension High-platform Table to look through the tiny holes to see the students taking their bags from the Multi-Purpose Hall. I was searching for Munirahbb and when I saw her, I shouted "Munirah!" At first, she stood still to confirm whether someone called her. Then, I called her twice, and she started looking around the hall to find her caller. Finally, I shouted for the last time, and she looked up, shocked to see my face on the ceiling. Haha...

Later, she said that my face is like "Muka Cina Kemek", meaning a Smashed Chinese Face. I was laughing hysterically about it, and was (as usually) What? Hhaa

By the way, if you still don't know where I was talking about, here it is...

Call Me Crazy...But Yeah...I'm Crazy

Once Again, Ghost Whisperer Made Me Cry...

Ghost Whisperer is like one of the MUST WATCH SHOWS on television. I really like the drama series, cause it's about understanding death and grief more. And Jennifer Love Hewitt is kinda beautiful to watch. Her acting skills is very nice to watch since most episodes made me cry. I really love Ghost Whisperer...

Which is why I don't understand why Jim, Melinda's Husband, had to DIE!!!! I was like freaking FUCK on the tv, cause I just don't get it. I mean, why should he DIE???? OMG!!! ....

....(Sorry, I need a time off to let go of my emotions)...*Sobbing*...

Reviews- Movie: Lord of the Flies (1987)

Ok, I wanted to sleep but last night, a movie title caught my eyes. Lord of the Flies. A novel by William Golding. I've read a few pages of it when I was in Sec 2 if I'm not wrong. I didn't get to finish it cause the book was freaking THICK!!! It was a Midnight Movie on Channel 5, and so I went to watch the movie.

The movie starred Balthazar Getty, the guy who played in Brothers & Sisters; one of my favourite shows. Haha. The movie was set in 1987, so he was a pretty young boy during the movie. It was a good movie if you like those Survivors on an Island kind of movies, but this was about children surviving in the wildlife all by themselves. NO ADULTS or so... It was kinda weird to hear them do political stuffs like choosing a leader, getting Sentry Duty Jobs, making fire and so. I truly think that the American kids are greatly matured, more than us Asians...

So, the storyline was kinda unusual but I guess when we were kids, we sort of think like the characters in the story. But what I hate is when the antagonist influence the other kids to hunt and kill. They resort to violence and bullying and in the end, I can't remember how many Fucks I've said during the course of the movie, cause they killed some kids. They pushed a huge boulder from the mountain and eventually, the boulder hit and killed a boy. I was like Fuck Sia, not because he died, but the reactions of the bullies about his death was as if nothing happened. I was shocked by it.

Overall, I think the movie is not too bad, but I rate it like 3.5 out of 5... Not really up to my expectations actually. So yeah...

First Time in the Waters of the Sea in More than Ten Years...

Okay...Woke up in the morning, happened to know that I was pretty early (I actually thought I was late) waiting for my friends; specifically my Secondary School 4/8 Classmates. We were going to Sentosa, which I have never step foot on in many many years.

Reaching Vivo, we ate at Banquet/ Kopitiam where I 'smuggle' food from Banquet to Kopitiam, (We're Not Allowed to bring food from one to another) and heard some joke on the phone bout some Clock pronounced as Cock by some woman.

We arrived at Sentosa and found a place at Palawan Beach for us to place our huge mat on. We played Frisbee, Soccer and Volleyball (in which we used a Soccerball to play with; NOTE TO SELF: Bad Idea) Most of the time, I took the time to walk around at the beach, watch people playing beach sports, dancing to songs, playing with family, suntanning etc. So, with that, I did took cool pictures along the way.



And I don't know why I like to take pictures of my feet...



And here are some photos that'll look great as Wallpapers...(Kinda surprised by the results...)



Photos of Us...



I actually went into the waters after Nicholas and Daniel forced me. They actually dragged me into the Sea, and after that, I started embracing the waters. It was so...indescribable. I was speechless. Being in the waters after 10 years, was Magnificent. Haha... I asked this Caucasian Man and his Mother (from England) to take care of my stuffs (phone and necklace). I asked them whether they live in Singapore. The mother replied that she came to visit her son in Singapore and her grandchildren. The man actually asked me whether I'm Thai. I was like "WHAT?" He said that I sounded Thai. I was like freaking dumbstruck! Haha... Then he went on to say that I looked like someone from Indo-China. I was again, "WHAT?" and completely Dumbstruck... I laughed the whole time after that...


After Swimming, Picture-Taking and stuffs...Washing up was weird cause we were using the Open ShowerHeads to wash up, i.e. there were NO PARTITIONS between the showerheads. So we bathed as a group. Kinda like those American school where they bathed openly seeing each other's body and "stuffs". There was this group of people who were so weird in showing each other's 'jewels' to one another and actually cheered for it. I was like "Huh?" with bulging eyes in Shock. Singapore is getting weirder...Haha


Off to Vivo and then to Downtown East but I was too tired to follow them go bowling, so I went home. Fortunately, my family were at the Fishing Pond at the Pasir Ris Town Park eating at Arnold's Chicken. So, walked the opposite direction and happily ate Spring Chicken. Yum...

A Shissha Date, with Costumes Try-Ons

Okay...From the beginning, I had Shooting Training at SAFRA Yishun at like as early as 9:30am in the morning. How unreal is that on a Friday Morning? I shot like Crappe; literally from my first shots to the last. Funny part? I made a Starfish-shaped hole for my last card. I was totally unprepared due to sleeping so late the last night, and waking up so early during the holidays!!! Went to Masjid Darul Makmur for Friday prayers and God, it was so silent! I've been to a Mosque in Bukit Batok and same thing; Silence all around. I realised that the mosques in the West is much much quieter than in the East. Istighfar is seriously very noisy with all the students chit-chatting here and there. The thing is, you're not allowed to speak during the sermon; not even saying the word Quiet. So, I can't really do much...

Anyway, to the main title. After that, I went to Bugis to meet Raihan, Munirah and Hamaiza at some Shissha cafe. Rai and Munirah were eating Fish & Chips, and after they couldn't finish, I just made them disappear in a flash without paying a cent. Haha. The three of them went to smoke Shissha, except for me 'cause of my lung problem; Bronchitis (it's not Chronic Bronchitis, so it's not so fatal. Don't worry...)

We went to No. 1 Costumes Costume Shop at Aliwal Street ( I don't know why we keep going to Masquerade shops everytime we hang out) It was super fun please. We wore ridiculously large costumes; Hamaiza adores the GingerbreadMan Costume (the one from Shrek 2) and a Condom Costume, Raihan wore some Tomato Bodied Freak-Faced Costumes which is still cute, and I wore some Milk Carton or some other costumes I forgot. Most of the time, we were laughing and giggling bout the costumes. We weren't allowed to take photos of the costumes, but What the Heck? Here are some the pics we took;