Constant Worries And Cries...

Some may have said "Life is too short to keep worrying bout it", but what's the point if you don't worry? You won't be able to finish your work, you won't be able to reach somewhere on time, you won't be able to live a life... Basically, Worry is sometimes neccessary in our everyday lives, especially when it involves someone close. You keep asking yourself "Will my parents be able to see me grow up?", "Will he/she leave me for someone else?", "Will I get to wake up the next morning, thinking the whole world will be as it should be?"
Love can be powerful to give comfort, satisfaction, partnership and bonds beyond any other, yet the drawback of it is that once it's lost, its cut runs so deep within our hearts that we'll mourn its death more than anything else. We worry bout this 'mourning' moments which may last forever in our lives...
I know I love to make jokes or tease people or simply be the centre of a bully or teasing, I love to disturb people and make them laugh or sneeze... All to simply distract me from the constant worries I keep having, especially in recent times. All may be lost for some reason. Outside, a smile is all I give to the world; but inside, tears are silently dropping one by one as I know, memories will be forgotten.
My mother has been constantly getting sick and its getting worse and worse. I really fear the worst to come. She keeps saying bout the Angel of Death taking her soul away but keeps praying to God she wants to see her children grow, and she still has lots to do in her life. I really don't want to see her taken away. I've suffered many losses in my lives and some were tragic.
My grandmother's death was the worst as I was holding her head as she took her last breath right in front of me. That traumatic event is a deep scar on my life as she has been taking care of me ever since my eyes opened to the world.
I am crying inside and outside... But I do not show the world my tears. Many have asked if I'm okay. I wanted to say no; but I really don't want people to know. I don't know why. I want to see smiles on people's faces, not tear drops. I silently pray that all goes well.
Loss is inevitable in life, making me worry constantly about life... You know how hard it is for someone who has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)? I really wish I know who'll go next so that I would spend the entire time with him/her until the time comes. Humans are fragile, but I guess I'm the worst case ever...